ether-eden:

Patti Stanger would tell you to sit down and write out your “non-negotiables” before your enter into a relationship. For many idiots, these values would include things like “wealth”, “height”, “sense of style”. So you create a checklist, and for each person you meet, you go through and check off all of the qualities that they possess. If they have enough of your “non-negotiables”, then you’ve got yourself a relationship. And chances are, it will become the become the bane of your fucking existence.

The problem is that we don’t know what to value in another human being. What we are allowed to value. How many qualities do we value in a partner, but don’t even possess ourselves? How many expectations and frustrations do we project onto each other?

I think the chakras are a good place to start. Out of your seven chakras: survival, sexuality, power, heart, voice, mind, spirituality… how many of these are in alignment, or at least have the ability to converse with, those of your partner? I don’t think the goal is to have them mirror each other; there is so much to learn in the difference. But what are your “non-negotiables”?

Which of those are most important for you to share and indulge in with your partner? And which of them can you share and indulge in with friends, family, and other folks outside of your partner? Where does your romantic partnership lie? In your heart? your mind? your spirituality? your sex? your success? Understand your non-negotiables, I think, and work from there.